Are You For Real?

There has been much talk about Ben Roethlisberger lately, and his so called changed life. Critics are very skeptical, Steeler loyalist want to believe it's true and fans are still convinced he did nothing wrong. This is not a unique story, you can hear echos as people discuss Miley Cyrus and others who live under the microscope. It does make me sad to watch people who profess Christ who 's faith seems so hypocritical. But, before I pass judgement on these people I must take a hard look at myself. I am sure there are skeptics out there that only knew me as an angry, jealous hearted teenager who thought girls rule and men were pigs. Who bought into the belief that women have the right to choose what they do our don't do with their body, because it really isn't a baby anyway. Believed being the best at everything I did was what brought me worth. I don't know if Ben is really sold out for Jesus His life will tell, but I know that I am and I know it was a hard and scary journey that I hope is not the path Makaylee and Caleb face to really know their Savior. I thank God everyday that in His mercy He loved me enough to shake me and awake me to the truth He is there, He loves me, but the consequence of sin is death.

Like Ben, I have darkness in my past that hit it's pinnacle August 27th 1994. I grew up in a divorced home placing no value on family and the role of a mommy. So when I received the news I was pregnant just a few weeks after my 18th birthday I was mortified. There was only one option and the only thing standing in my way was the 350 dollars I needed. I truly believed it wasn't a baby just a bundle of cells. I believed I had a plan for college and a career, and becoming a mom at 18 was just not part of that plan. So, I scheduled my appointment, had the abortion and that is when the Lord in his amazing grace, rocked my world. After an abortion you are drugged up and tired, so I came home and slept. The phone seemed to be constantly ringing. All day ringing. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but after several hours I decided I was filling a little better, so I would finally answer. There is so much about that day that's fogging, but this phone call changed my life forever and I will never forget it.

Caller, "Jamie?, Are you okay?"
Me, "yes, why?"
Caller, "Did you hear what happened?"
Me, "No, what?"
Caller,"I think your brother was in a car accident and I don't think he survived."

It's rarely something I think about, because it is a pain that still penetrates deep, but it's the most concrete example for me of God's ways are not mine and He loves me so much that He will go to any measure to pull us out of our sin.  For many years I did believe that Travis dying at the exact same time as I chose to kill my baby, was a cruel punishment. While, I don't believe it was a punishment anymore, I know that it wasn't by accident. This emotionally crippling, heart breaking event grabbed my attention and forced me to really ask the question does God really exist and if He does what is He all about? For the first time eternity mattered. It took several years, more humbling and Godly people being the hands and feet of Christ, but I can say with confidence today that I am forgiven for the choice that I made. I still sin, lose my temper, and by God's power will continue to grow in these areas until that day that I am called home. When, I will meet Makaylee and Caleb's sibling and my oldest child and be reunited with my brother. Who through God's divine plan spent the last summer of his life developing his relationship with our loving Savior Jesus.

I hope you will take a minute to watch this video and realize that there are many scared girls out there just like me. Who without a miracle will make the choice that I did, and have to live always wondering about their child.