Humbled

We have been doing pretty well lately with the implementation of the board and applying God's word to discipline, but we did have a few minor set backs this week that really had me questioning, "have I totally screwed this kid up?" If you seek counsel from people on this I have learned they are always willing to give feed back and I have heard from most everyone I am too hard on him. I really took it to heart when my dad said we started discipline too young and that is why he is so emotional. This coming from the man that said jump and we asked how high as children. My performance driven self wanted to say no. I am doing everything they say and I am not getting the results promised, but one thing I am humbly learning right now is no matter how hard you try and how much effort you put in there are no guarantees in this parenting deal.



This tantrum left me so deflated. The major conciliation was after 30 minutes of ignoring. I finally pulled over told him this was not acceptable behavior. He needed to ask mommy please and remain calm. We read Proverbs 17:27 together and then as if a terrible demon left his body he was all smiles and a joy for the rest of the evening. Today we had 2 events that brought me to my knees. (On a side note this is where I should have been all along.) He got into it with one of his frienemies, an ingenious noun I recently heard, and decide to unleash with a bat. It shocked me he could exert that much hostility and scared me, begging the question, where did I go wrong? After nap time he hit is sister twice once with his Lightning McQueen plate and later a book. This absolutely killed me. While it might be understandable to have frustration towards some, Makaylee loves Caleb and thinks he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. She wants to do everything he does and smiles and laughs at her big brother at every chance she gets. I know they are siblings and there is the jealousy factor and do I give him enough time and attention. I have contemplated that, tried to do everything possible to let him know how much I treasure him, but still he has it out for his little sister. I was so sad, upset and heartbroke today over his recent extremely hostile behavior towards her that I found myself wanting to discipline this out of him. So confused and mind boggled that I have somehow made him into a child that lacks compassion and love made me finally turn to the Lord and beg for help. As said earlier I should have been doing this all along. It seems simple, but so often I find myself only turning to God with my parenting when I'm in complete desperation. Hopefully writing this down I will remember to daily surrender and not wait until hopelessness. God in his faithfulness lead me to Psalms 44 these verses really stood out.

6 I do not trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;

7 but You give us victory over our enemies,
You put our adversaries to shame.

8 In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.
Selah

9 But now you have rejected and humbled us;
you no longer go out with our armies.

I think I was trying to do good on my own and God faithfully is humbling me through my child. I love the saying the pride before the fall. I should remember that He is my portion and my help. I for the first time today, thanks to my sister asking me the question, "do you think he is trying to dominate people because you are dominating him?" This was hard to hear, but I realized how much I am trying to control this situation by doing all the right things and still getting questionable results instead of humbly trusting it to the Lord. My prayer is that I wake up tomorrow different. When Caleb does something that my flesh wants to control I pray I drop on my knees and ask God for the wisdom of how to handle the situation.