Failure

I've been in another one of my funks lately. I feel like this is such a reoccurring theme in my life and I hate it. I have a wonderful husband, beautiful kiddos and security. I love the Lord and should be content, right? So what the heck is my problem? I've been praying for some clarity on this and here is some of the answer. I am such a perfectionist and extremely results driven. This mom thing is sooooo hard for my personality. There isn't a day that goes by that through my eyes I don't feel like a big fat failure. From a head knowledge stand point I know this isn't true. I work hard around the house, love and serve my kids to no end and try really hard to make my husband feel loved. I have some talent on the creative side of things and I am not dumb. I could list more, but you get the idea. Yet, I still have a huge feeling of disappointment with how I am doing. It makes sense if you think about it. I am results driven. How often do you get desired results from a one or three year old? I think I have good kids, but they do the exact opposite of what I ask of them multiple times each day. I try to love and serve Cory, but we are wired so different that I honestly can't do it all the time, and for sure not with a happy heart. One top of all this, my little projects lately have not been resulting they way I'd hoped. I'm heavy hearted and really feeling a huge burden that makes me want to get in my car and flee. Another response that I absolutely hate. I would never do it, but I hate that I have these thoughts. So where is the silver lining? I guess what I am clinging to is that this is a part of the refining process. I might have the knowledge that no matter how hard I try I can't be perfect; however, this knowledge doesn't not stop me from the feelings of failure. I know God wants me to realize my worth doesn't come from my abilities, but through Him. He thought I was worth so much that He sent His son for me. I must preach this to myself daily, otherwise, I do get bogged down in the less than ideal. I'm reminded that God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. Thankful for perspective.

Germs germs everywhere

So I've been trying to figure our how to keep my kids healthy. It breaks my heart to watch them feel miserable, plus it's hard when they don't feel well. Being home bound, whining kiddos, sleepless nights and inevitably catching their illness is just not my cup of tea. So what is the answer? Never go anywhere to keep the germs away? I don't think so. The thought of being completely confined to our house for cold and flu season seems far more miserable than the above list. Besides, I have friends that have attempted this and it didn't seem to work. I thought pumping them full of vitamin C, D3 and probiotics(here's some info if you don't know about these) would help. Sadly, not so much. Finally, avoiding foods that increase mucus should do the trick, wrong! We all are coughing up a lung, currently. One positive that I did learn from all this is Caleb likes almond milk. I am thrilled, an alternative to milk that he will drink without consequences.

Lately, the thing that I've been contemplating is wearing gloves and tying antibacterial to my kids' belt loops. Maybe, I need to become a germ freak. We are going to try this despite all that I believe that contradicts. I find thinking about this is making me a little obsessed. Not to mention, the strong gag reflex I've recently developed when I look at door handles and bathroom flushers.

A side note, going along with keeping things clean. I thought it would be fun to get some feed back. A recent poll in England had the population admitting that half a million Brits only wash their sheets three times a year. Kelly Ripa (love her) washes her sheets every other day. Say what, who has time for that? I am being honest here, so hopefully I don't gross too many of you out. I wash ours about every two weeks and that is doing good. How often do you wash yours? Love to hear comments on this.

Beauty is a curse

Okay, so I have to admit I am starting to feel the effects of days and days of snow. I am so ready for spring!!! I guess having little ones sick so much is wearing me down. Makaylee is sick yet again and has been running a temperature for the past 2 1/2 days. I'm waiting until tomorrow to call the doctor. I want here to fight this off without getting on antibiotics, again. Maybe it is time for tubes. Any thoughts on this? I am determined though to stay positive, so here are some beautiful things that come with the cold.
The icicles are amazing this one is at least 3 feet long on the side of the house.



It is also so beautiful to watch my sweet family enjoy each other.


This was taken before sissy got sick. Both kids love eating the snow.





Daddy had them in stitches every time he buried his head in the snow. What he will do for a laugh!!

Emmie's Hope

My Aunt and her friend started a non profit Christian organization targeting girls in 7th-8th grade. Their heart is to build self-esteem in these young ladies to assist in preventing the display of at-risk activities. The goals of the program are to encourage positive emotional, social, mental, spiritual and physical development for middle school aged girls.
It has been fun for me to be apart of what they are doing. I've been involved in helping them spread the word about Emmie's Hope. Having a limited budget we have really had to figure out how to get things done on our own. And thus, I've had the privilege of creating their website. Now I have no formal knowledge of web design, html, but the little exposure I've had through creating my blog has enabled me to develop www.emmieshope.org. Take a second to check out. We would love feed back. On top of learning about putting your business on facebook, creating flyers, posters and business cards I've learned a lot about what our teenage girls are facing today. These statistics are pretty disturbing.



It doesn't seem that long ago that I faced these choices and sadly made just about every bad choice possible. The damage and struggles I had to overcome have been difficult to say the least. I so desire that Makaylee will know she is amazing and wonderfully created. I am so proud of the founders of Emmie's Hope for seeing a need and actually doing something about it. They may not be able to reach ever girl right now, but they are determined to make an impact and change the world one girl at a time. I'm encouraged and know that I've been blessed with an opportunity to share Christ's love with Makaylee so she will not be just another statistic.

Coldness all around

After our big snow storm last Friday when we got 2 1/2 feet in about 12 hours it has been pretty bad up here. Schools have been out and many people have had days without power. Not too desirable in below 0 temperatures. Just when we thought we were out of the woods we are getting pounded with more snow. It started today around 2:00pm and it's still coming down hard. We are doing well, our water was restored Sunday, so we were only restricted for a short time. Last night our power randomly went out for about 6 hours and it did get a little cold, but no big deal. The most annoying thing about that was it jacked up our security system. After being woken up the first time from a beeping fire detector, a second time by Caleb screaming he had to pee (this is a regular thing right now) I about had a heart attack from the blaring alarm system. Consequently, I've been a little cranky all day. I am praying we don't lose power tonight, but trusting if God's using it to refine me that it will be a good thing. Lovin winter in the north. I do have to say Mickey D's was pretty amazing today. With all the kids out of school it was a chaotic, energetic event. I loved watching the kids interact with so many kiddos. Makaylee was climbing that huge playground like a big kid, with a little assistance from brother.

Sadly, I had my first experience as a mom of watching my little guy get dissed by his attempt at making a new friend. I am sure this will be the first of many. I was proud of myself for restraining what I really wanted to say, "Don't worry buddy she just a mean fatty." with something much more constructive "Buddy sometimes people are not kind, but don't let it hurt you. Find someone who wants to have fun to play with." He proceeded to run and hide his face. I think he was hurt and embarrassed. So in the words of Marmee from little women, "I so wish I could give my children a more just world, but more importantly I hope to encourage them to make it a better place.

Winter Wonderland or State of Disaster

I guess that depends on who you are asking. As for us, we kind of have mixed emotions. Thankfully everything was just little joy robbers and inconveniences verses anything too catostrophic. We didn't even lose our power like many others in the area.
First, keeping 2 toddlers cooped up anytime makes it hard, but for some reason when it's manditory it makes it worse.


Second, all the snow requires lots did I say lots lots and lots of shoveling. Thankful the neighbor let us borrow the snow blower.

Third, under all that weight of the snow


many of our trees broke. Sadly we will have less trees and the pain of removing them from the road.



Forth, we are not allowed to use water. This in itself creates a few minor inconveniences. The ensuing mound of laudry I had been procrastinating will have to continue to wait. The shower I should have taken last night, so my stinky sweaty self wouldn't reek will be further delayed and a minor issue is dishes piling up can't be rinsed off. It should be fun getting caked on oatmeal off the breakfast bowls.

Besides these minor pains the beauty is amazing. I don't think I've seen such wonder in a long time.

Caleb is really into his race cars right now. His favorites has he creatively named them are:

Jimmy Joe

Jimmy Jean

and of course Lightening comes in a distant third

It was very important to Caleb that I post the car pictures.

Caleb did I little work on the track to get it ready for what we spent hours perfecting, but in the end it was worth the result. Enjoy!! We had to think of some way to entertain ourselves cooped up in the house for days.