My Marley

Well, my sweet Zola Bud died last week. I thought I would take a minute to reflect over the past 11 years with my buddy Zoie. She really was a great companion and although having her came with a lot of responsibility the things I learn were invaluable. I found her in the park running in Lubbock. I still don't know if she was abandon or always a stray, but she was extremely skittish. My friend Heather and I were really into running, and thought she was such a cool dog. She would hang with us and run for miles. On our Saturday runs, we would go for over an hour and she would sprint around the whole time like it was no big deal. It sure was nice to have such a great running buddy.


Over the course of the next year and a half, Heather and I both fell in love with our study partner, escape artist and friend. So, when college ended and we had to figure out who would ultimately get Zoie it was very straining to say the least. We both loved her so much and each thought we should get her. It resulted in a lot of hurt mostly me doing the hurting. I'm not sure how we decided to determine her fate, but we eventually picked a number between 1 and 1,000 and I picked the closes number. I would say the experience more than any other taught me the consequences of my anger. Hurting someone I cared about and having too much pride to even realize it was a hard lesson, but one that I am extremely grateful for. I think this was the first time in my life I realized that yelling and anger was not a healthy way to deal with emotions. It's hard to believe, but at this point in my life I had been raised in a family where we got angry said mean things and then moved on, acting as though nothing ever happened. This wasn't how my friend did things. I'm so glad I learned during this time that handling conflict this way is dysfunctional. I didn't change over night, but this was a start. Zoie was an innocent bystander in all of this, yet you could tell the unresolved conflict in our house really stressed her out. This experience taught me anytime I might not want to deal with a strained relationship it might not be just affecting me, but my kiddos as well.




Well, after I graduated and moved to Dallas where I lived with my boyfriends parents I got to experience more of the responsibility that comes with having a dog. Wayne loved Zoie, but she still caused trouble. She hated to be confined and would dig out of the back yard almost every day. I was traveling a lot for golf, which meant much of the responsibility of caring for Zoie fell on their shoulders. I really struggled with this. I had such a hard time with being a burden to anyone. I'm thankful that through this experience I got to see glimpses of what a joy it is for others to love and serve. I know that allowing Cory to love and serve me is something he delights in and if I didn't have this time in my life to learn this lesson through the Welborns, I would be stifling a part of the amazing character of my husband. A big part of this is thanks to having Zoie my escape artist.
After Joey and I broke up, I moved to Arlington, TX. At this point in my life my whole world was wrapped up in Joey, his family and golf. I had decided to quit golf and end my relationship with Joe. I was feeling pretty lonely and hopeless, and sweet Zoie was their for me. I could look forward to her wagging tail and hug everyday I came home and then we would go for our late night runs. I was extremely depressed at this point in time and she once again was feeling my pain. Almost everyday for about 2 months she would throw-up. I tried changing her food and that didn't help. Her tummy troubles finally went away when my attitude turned around. I was growing in my relationship with the Lord and learning I didn't need a man to feel significant. I remember feeling like I've got to get my act together, look what my life is doing to my ZoZo.

About this time I started attending a great church, Watermark. I got connected to others in my life stage through the softball ministry. Zoie and I would go out to the games on Friday night and she would watch the game and shake almost the whole time because she didn't like the sound of the bat hitting the ball. She still loved to go, because she knew after the game was over we would go on her beloved runs. She was such a great motivator when I didn't feel like a workout. She always, no matter day or night was up for a good run.


A few years past and I was doing really well and Zoie and I were enjoying life together. Cory and I had decided to get serious and pursue marriage.


Cory was not a dog person and Zoie with her skittish tendencies didn't win him over. From the start it resulted in much conflict. It was hard to feel pulled in two directions. I can't say that I would want to relive this difficult time. Feeling like I had to choose between my loyal companion and the man I was going to spend my life with was a whip. I did however learn through this challenge the amazing gift of communication and dialoguing about my emotions. In marriage you will have your differences and challenges and the ability to communicate even when the topic is extremely emotional is fundamental. Having conflict over Zoie for 5 years ultimately resulted in me seeing that my marriage needed to come before my beloved Zo. It was hard and I was bitter, but after much conversation I was able to forgive Cory for his short coming. He was heart broken over his struggle with her, but regardless he wasn't able to overcome the frustration that came with Zoie. I loved her so I could overlook the destroyed doors, garbage everywhere, shedding and the kicker sleepless nights during the endless Texas lightening storms. Eight months ago my mom agreed to take her and care for her. I was heart broken when I put her on the plane to California. I felt like I was abandoning the one who was with me through the past eleven years. I could always count on her to brighten my day with her squeal of excitement in seeing my face. She really relied on me for feeling secure and I was so worried that she was going to have such a hard time adjusting to her new life. However, I think her last eight months were the best. She loved to run and herd and my mom lives in the country, so Zoie could run free all day long. No need to try to escape. She also had other dogs to play with, so she never felt lonely. I cried many tears when I sent her away and then for many months following. Every time I would think about her I would get a terrible pit in my stomach. It broke my heart to know I had abandon her. Hearing stories of how great she was doing helped me heal and so I've been doing a lot better. When Mom called with the news Monday I was sad, but there was a part of me that was relieved. She went quickly and was running up until the day she died. The vet thought she had a stroke. He also said he thought she was probably around 17. Much older than I would have ever guessed, but not surprising because she was such an active girl. I like to think I get my running buddy back. As I prepare for this Tri and I have days I don't want to workout I think of my girl whimpering in excitement as I put on my running shoes.

Boys will be boys and girl will be sweet

We've all heard the stereo types on boys and girls and honestly I don't think I really believed it until I had one of each. I remember thinking in my pride I might add, that parents who can't get there preschool boys to sit still are just not asking that of them. I sit here now and think of the older boy stereo types convinced Caleb will not be one of those, but probably in years to come I will be blogging, admitting my pride, telling you once again boys will be boys. Why am I so convinced of this now? It started out with feeling like we were doing everything possible to teach Caleb self control and manners. I'm sure there are things we could do better, but I know we are pretty hardcore with him. I would say confirmation came with Makaylee. If anything we have been easier on her and yet she doesn't want to break everything with a sword or tackle and smash it to pieces. Caleb could do these activities all day every day and think he was in heaven. Makaylee will play rough for a little while and roar like a dinosaur, but she loves to nurture and take care of everyone.

ex A.

If you're a mom with boys remember that they need to be rough and tumble, so create environments where this is allowed.

Any given night at the Ruiz house

"Wild Things, the Art of Nurturing Boys" is a book I've talked about in the past and the more exposure I have to boys the more convinced I am this book offers truth and help in understanding their unique wiring. I also would encourage you to listen to this podcast. It has some great information and tips to help you understand your boys or even help other peoples boys by creating a world that enables them to thrive as they were created.
Wonder of Boys

Failure

I've been in another one of my funks lately. I feel like this is such a reoccurring theme in my life and I hate it. I have a wonderful husband, beautiful kiddos and security. I love the Lord and should be content, right? So what the heck is my problem? I've been praying for some clarity on this and here is some of the answer. I am such a perfectionist and extremely results driven. This mom thing is sooooo hard for my personality. There isn't a day that goes by that through my eyes I don't feel like a big fat failure. From a head knowledge stand point I know this isn't true. I work hard around the house, love and serve my kids to no end and try really hard to make my husband feel loved. I have some talent on the creative side of things and I am not dumb. I could list more, but you get the idea. Yet, I still have a huge feeling of disappointment with how I am doing. It makes sense if you think about it. I am results driven. How often do you get desired results from a one or three year old? I think I have good kids, but they do the exact opposite of what I ask of them multiple times each day. I try to love and serve Cory, but we are wired so different that I honestly can't do it all the time, and for sure not with a happy heart. One top of all this, my little projects lately have not been resulting they way I'd hoped. I'm heavy hearted and really feeling a huge burden that makes me want to get in my car and flee. Another response that I absolutely hate. I would never do it, but I hate that I have these thoughts. So where is the silver lining? I guess what I am clinging to is that this is a part of the refining process. I might have the knowledge that no matter how hard I try I can't be perfect; however, this knowledge doesn't not stop me from the feelings of failure. I know God wants me to realize my worth doesn't come from my abilities, but through Him. He thought I was worth so much that He sent His son for me. I must preach this to myself daily, otherwise, I do get bogged down in the less than ideal. I'm reminded that God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. Thankful for perspective.

Germs germs everywhere

So I've been trying to figure our how to keep my kids healthy. It breaks my heart to watch them feel miserable, plus it's hard when they don't feel well. Being home bound, whining kiddos, sleepless nights and inevitably catching their illness is just not my cup of tea. So what is the answer? Never go anywhere to keep the germs away? I don't think so. The thought of being completely confined to our house for cold and flu season seems far more miserable than the above list. Besides, I have friends that have attempted this and it didn't seem to work. I thought pumping them full of vitamin C, D3 and probiotics(here's some info if you don't know about these) would help. Sadly, not so much. Finally, avoiding foods that increase mucus should do the trick, wrong! We all are coughing up a lung, currently. One positive that I did learn from all this is Caleb likes almond milk. I am thrilled, an alternative to milk that he will drink without consequences.

Lately, the thing that I've been contemplating is wearing gloves and tying antibacterial to my kids' belt loops. Maybe, I need to become a germ freak. We are going to try this despite all that I believe that contradicts. I find thinking about this is making me a little obsessed. Not to mention, the strong gag reflex I've recently developed when I look at door handles and bathroom flushers.

A side note, going along with keeping things clean. I thought it would be fun to get some feed back. A recent poll in England had the population admitting that half a million Brits only wash their sheets three times a year. Kelly Ripa (love her) washes her sheets every other day. Say what, who has time for that? I am being honest here, so hopefully I don't gross too many of you out. I wash ours about every two weeks and that is doing good. How often do you wash yours? Love to hear comments on this.

Beauty is a curse

Okay, so I have to admit I am starting to feel the effects of days and days of snow. I am so ready for spring!!! I guess having little ones sick so much is wearing me down. Makaylee is sick yet again and has been running a temperature for the past 2 1/2 days. I'm waiting until tomorrow to call the doctor. I want here to fight this off without getting on antibiotics, again. Maybe it is time for tubes. Any thoughts on this? I am determined though to stay positive, so here are some beautiful things that come with the cold.
The icicles are amazing this one is at least 3 feet long on the side of the house.



It is also so beautiful to watch my sweet family enjoy each other.


This was taken before sissy got sick. Both kids love eating the snow.





Daddy had them in stitches every time he buried his head in the snow. What he will do for a laugh!!

Emmie's Hope

My Aunt and her friend started a non profit Christian organization targeting girls in 7th-8th grade. Their heart is to build self-esteem in these young ladies to assist in preventing the display of at-risk activities. The goals of the program are to encourage positive emotional, social, mental, spiritual and physical development for middle school aged girls.
It has been fun for me to be apart of what they are doing. I've been involved in helping them spread the word about Emmie's Hope. Having a limited budget we have really had to figure out how to get things done on our own. And thus, I've had the privilege of creating their website. Now I have no formal knowledge of web design, html, but the little exposure I've had through creating my blog has enabled me to develop www.emmieshope.org. Take a second to check out. We would love feed back. On top of learning about putting your business on facebook, creating flyers, posters and business cards I've learned a lot about what our teenage girls are facing today. These statistics are pretty disturbing.



It doesn't seem that long ago that I faced these choices and sadly made just about every bad choice possible. The damage and struggles I had to overcome have been difficult to say the least. I so desire that Makaylee will know she is amazing and wonderfully created. I am so proud of the founders of Emmie's Hope for seeing a need and actually doing something about it. They may not be able to reach ever girl right now, but they are determined to make an impact and change the world one girl at a time. I'm encouraged and know that I've been blessed with an opportunity to share Christ's love with Makaylee so she will not be just another statistic.

Coldness all around

After our big snow storm last Friday when we got 2 1/2 feet in about 12 hours it has been pretty bad up here. Schools have been out and many people have had days without power. Not too desirable in below 0 temperatures. Just when we thought we were out of the woods we are getting pounded with more snow. It started today around 2:00pm and it's still coming down hard. We are doing well, our water was restored Sunday, so we were only restricted for a short time. Last night our power randomly went out for about 6 hours and it did get a little cold, but no big deal. The most annoying thing about that was it jacked up our security system. After being woken up the first time from a beeping fire detector, a second time by Caleb screaming he had to pee (this is a regular thing right now) I about had a heart attack from the blaring alarm system. Consequently, I've been a little cranky all day. I am praying we don't lose power tonight, but trusting if God's using it to refine me that it will be a good thing. Lovin winter in the north. I do have to say Mickey D's was pretty amazing today. With all the kids out of school it was a chaotic, energetic event. I loved watching the kids interact with so many kiddos. Makaylee was climbing that huge playground like a big kid, with a little assistance from brother.

Sadly, I had my first experience as a mom of watching my little guy get dissed by his attempt at making a new friend. I am sure this will be the first of many. I was proud of myself for restraining what I really wanted to say, "Don't worry buddy she just a mean fatty." with something much more constructive "Buddy sometimes people are not kind, but don't let it hurt you. Find someone who wants to have fun to play with." He proceeded to run and hide his face. I think he was hurt and embarrassed. So in the words of Marmee from little women, "I so wish I could give my children a more just world, but more importantly I hope to encourage them to make it a better place.

Winter Wonderland or State of Disaster

I guess that depends on who you are asking. As for us, we kind of have mixed emotions. Thankfully everything was just little joy robbers and inconveniences verses anything too catostrophic. We didn't even lose our power like many others in the area.
First, keeping 2 toddlers cooped up anytime makes it hard, but for some reason when it's manditory it makes it worse.


Second, all the snow requires lots did I say lots lots and lots of shoveling. Thankful the neighbor let us borrow the snow blower.

Third, under all that weight of the snow


many of our trees broke. Sadly we will have less trees and the pain of removing them from the road.



Forth, we are not allowed to use water. This in itself creates a few minor inconveniences. The ensuing mound of laudry I had been procrastinating will have to continue to wait. The shower I should have taken last night, so my stinky sweaty self wouldn't reek will be further delayed and a minor issue is dishes piling up can't be rinsed off. It should be fun getting caked on oatmeal off the breakfast bowls.

Besides these minor pains the beauty is amazing. I don't think I've seen such wonder in a long time.

Caleb is really into his race cars right now. His favorites has he creatively named them are:

Jimmy Joe

Jimmy Jean

and of course Lightening comes in a distant third

It was very important to Caleb that I post the car pictures.

Caleb did I little work on the track to get it ready for what we spent hours perfecting, but in the end it was worth the result. Enjoy!! We had to think of some way to entertain ourselves cooped up in the house for days.