My Marley

Well, my sweet Zola Bud died last week. I thought I would take a minute to reflect over the past 11 years with my buddy Zoie. She really was a great companion and although having her came with a lot of responsibility the things I learn were invaluable. I found her in the park running in Lubbock. I still don't know if she was abandon or always a stray, but she was extremely skittish. My friend Heather and I were really into running, and thought she was such a cool dog. She would hang with us and run for miles. On our Saturday runs, we would go for over an hour and she would sprint around the whole time like it was no big deal. It sure was nice to have such a great running buddy.


Over the course of the next year and a half, Heather and I both fell in love with our study partner, escape artist and friend. So, when college ended and we had to figure out who would ultimately get Zoie it was very straining to say the least. We both loved her so much and each thought we should get her. It resulted in a lot of hurt mostly me doing the hurting. I'm not sure how we decided to determine her fate, but we eventually picked a number between 1 and 1,000 and I picked the closes number. I would say the experience more than any other taught me the consequences of my anger. Hurting someone I cared about and having too much pride to even realize it was a hard lesson, but one that I am extremely grateful for. I think this was the first time in my life I realized that yelling and anger was not a healthy way to deal with emotions. It's hard to believe, but at this point in my life I had been raised in a family where we got angry said mean things and then moved on, acting as though nothing ever happened. This wasn't how my friend did things. I'm so glad I learned during this time that handling conflict this way is dysfunctional. I didn't change over night, but this was a start. Zoie was an innocent bystander in all of this, yet you could tell the unresolved conflict in our house really stressed her out. This experience taught me anytime I might not want to deal with a strained relationship it might not be just affecting me, but my kiddos as well.




Well, after I graduated and moved to Dallas where I lived with my boyfriends parents I got to experience more of the responsibility that comes with having a dog. Wayne loved Zoie, but she still caused trouble. She hated to be confined and would dig out of the back yard almost every day. I was traveling a lot for golf, which meant much of the responsibility of caring for Zoie fell on their shoulders. I really struggled with this. I had such a hard time with being a burden to anyone. I'm thankful that through this experience I got to see glimpses of what a joy it is for others to love and serve. I know that allowing Cory to love and serve me is something he delights in and if I didn't have this time in my life to learn this lesson through the Welborns, I would be stifling a part of the amazing character of my husband. A big part of this is thanks to having Zoie my escape artist.
After Joey and I broke up, I moved to Arlington, TX. At this point in my life my whole world was wrapped up in Joey, his family and golf. I had decided to quit golf and end my relationship with Joe. I was feeling pretty lonely and hopeless, and sweet Zoie was their for me. I could look forward to her wagging tail and hug everyday I came home and then we would go for our late night runs. I was extremely depressed at this point in time and she once again was feeling my pain. Almost everyday for about 2 months she would throw-up. I tried changing her food and that didn't help. Her tummy troubles finally went away when my attitude turned around. I was growing in my relationship with the Lord and learning I didn't need a man to feel significant. I remember feeling like I've got to get my act together, look what my life is doing to my ZoZo.

About this time I started attending a great church, Watermark. I got connected to others in my life stage through the softball ministry. Zoie and I would go out to the games on Friday night and she would watch the game and shake almost the whole time because she didn't like the sound of the bat hitting the ball. She still loved to go, because she knew after the game was over we would go on her beloved runs. She was such a great motivator when I didn't feel like a workout. She always, no matter day or night was up for a good run.


A few years past and I was doing really well and Zoie and I were enjoying life together. Cory and I had decided to get serious and pursue marriage.


Cory was not a dog person and Zoie with her skittish tendencies didn't win him over. From the start it resulted in much conflict. It was hard to feel pulled in two directions. I can't say that I would want to relive this difficult time. Feeling like I had to choose between my loyal companion and the man I was going to spend my life with was a whip. I did however learn through this challenge the amazing gift of communication and dialoguing about my emotions. In marriage you will have your differences and challenges and the ability to communicate even when the topic is extremely emotional is fundamental. Having conflict over Zoie for 5 years ultimately resulted in me seeing that my marriage needed to come before my beloved Zo. It was hard and I was bitter, but after much conversation I was able to forgive Cory for his short coming. He was heart broken over his struggle with her, but regardless he wasn't able to overcome the frustration that came with Zoie. I loved her so I could overlook the destroyed doors, garbage everywhere, shedding and the kicker sleepless nights during the endless Texas lightening storms. Eight months ago my mom agreed to take her and care for her. I was heart broken when I put her on the plane to California. I felt like I was abandoning the one who was with me through the past eleven years. I could always count on her to brighten my day with her squeal of excitement in seeing my face. She really relied on me for feeling secure and I was so worried that she was going to have such a hard time adjusting to her new life. However, I think her last eight months were the best. She loved to run and herd and my mom lives in the country, so Zoie could run free all day long. No need to try to escape. She also had other dogs to play with, so she never felt lonely. I cried many tears when I sent her away and then for many months following. Every time I would think about her I would get a terrible pit in my stomach. It broke my heart to know I had abandon her. Hearing stories of how great she was doing helped me heal and so I've been doing a lot better. When Mom called with the news Monday I was sad, but there was a part of me that was relieved. She went quickly and was running up until the day she died. The vet thought she had a stroke. He also said he thought she was probably around 17. Much older than I would have ever guessed, but not surprising because she was such an active girl. I like to think I get my running buddy back. As I prepare for this Tri and I have days I don't want to workout I think of my girl whimpering in excitement as I put on my running shoes.